Humans of Ateneo

Humans of Ateneo is a project of the Sanggunian: Commission on Mental Health that aims to share the different stories of resilience among the Ateneo Loyola Schools community in order to inspire the student body.

Atenean
Written by: Hannah Tuballa | October 20, 2019

For me, my fear was choosing Ateneo over UP. I think people might say that it's such an overused phrase, 'cause I feel that there are a lot of people here who underwent the same circumstances as me. But, at the same time, I was really afraid of the whole system here. I think it was from all the happenings last year, with the scandals and the whole issues of the apathetic nature of Ateneo, that I was just kind of backing away from.

When I got my acceptance letter from Ateneo last year, I was really overwhelmed, because Ateneo for me was the school. It had my course, it had a reputable status. But despite that, I had this lingering sense of what-ifs. I had my own doubts that I couldn't just set aside. And, come the UPCAT results, I actually expected to fail. But, what happened was that I passed the course that I didn't expect to.

So, suddenly I was given a choice that I wasn't really prepared for. And that decision—it really wrecked me apart throughout the whole summer. I was trying to decide between two different things, and even though for sure I had my own decision set, I had this preconceived plan of my life in Ateneo. But suddenly, that one opportunity that I didn't really account for just wrecked it all aside.

I think it really took a lot of discernment on my part. I really had to find out for myself why I wanted to choose Ateneo or what I'm really acting for. And I realized throughout that whole discernment process in summer, I think what I really aimed for was my own happiness. It's for a fact that every institution is flawed. There is no perfect university, there are different factors that are hidden, there are different stories that are just left to be untold. And, that's one of the factors that I think really drove me to just push for it and just let go of whatever opportunity I saw in UP.

To be honest, I feel like, on my part, I gave up that slot for someone who deserved it more than me. Choosing Ateneo was something that I really wanted, but I think the whole discernment process was challenging in a way, and it helped me understand myself better. I don't know what the future’s gonna bring. I don't know what I'll be like here in Ateneo, 2 to 3 or 4 years from now. But what I do hope for is that the happiness I am for in going into Ateneo is gonna be worth it.

Right now, as of now, I feel like this is the happiest I've ever been. To be honest, that was the one thing I really wished for last year, since I was in such a down mood. I disassociated from myself a lot, and getting into Ateneo just allowed me to find myself again. Right now, I'm just hoping for the best, and I only hope that future me feels the same thing.

— Hannah Tuballa
#OurSanggu

You may follow Humans of Ateneo on Twitter and Instagram through @humansofateneo.

Photo by Gwen Morelos
Layout and Post-processing by Wira Dosado
Transcript by Renee Alcantara

Atenean

"I don't know what the future’s gonna bring. I don't know what I'll be like here in Ateneo, 2 to 3 or 4 years from now. But what I do hope for is that the happiness I am for in going into Ateneo is gonna be worth it."

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